What Is The Conversation Project and How Does It Help Families?
By CRYSTAL BAI •
The short answer: The Conversation Project is a public initiative that helps people discuss their end-of-life wishes with the people who matter most to them. Founded in 2010 by journalist Ellen Goodman and a team of healthcare leaders, it offers free, accessible tools — including a 'Conversation Starter Kit' — designed to help ordinary families have the hardest conversations before a medical crisis makes them impossible.
Why The Conversation Project Was Founded
Ellen Goodman founded The Conversation Project after watching her mother die without having had the conversations that mattered — not knowing what her mother would have wanted, and carrying that uncertainty as a burden afterward. The project grew from that personal experience into a national public health initiative.
The statistics that motivated it: 90% of Americans say talking with loved ones about end-of-life care is important. Only 27% have actually had those conversations. The gap between knowing it matters and doing it is what The Conversation Project addresses.
The Conversation Starter Kit
The free Conversation Starter Kit (available at theconversationproject.org) walks individuals through reflecting on their own wishes and then having the conversation with their loved ones. It addresses:
- What matters most to me at the end of life
- What I worry about most
- What I want people to understand about me and my values
- What trade-offs I'm willing to make (and not make)
- Who I want to make decisions for me
Separate versions are available for talking with your doctor, for pediatric end-of-life conversations, and for dementia-specific conversations. Translated into multiple languages.
The Impact
Research on The Conversation Project's tools shows that using them increases the rate of end-of-life conversations and advance directive completion. More broadly, the project has shifted the cultural conversation about talking about death — normalizing it as an act of love rather than a morbid exercise.
How to Use It
Start by completing the Conversation Starter Kit yourself — privately, honestly. Then schedule a specific time to have the conversation (don't make it spontaneous at Thanksgiving dinner). Share what you've reflected on. Listen. You don't have to resolve everything at once.
How Death Doulas Work with The Conversation Project
Many death doulas use The Conversation Project's tools as a starting point for their work with families — particularly for advance care planning conversations and family meetings. The project's tools provide structure for conversations that might otherwise feel too amorphous or frightening to begin.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is The Conversation Project free?
Yes. The Conversation Starter Kits and all primary resources from The Conversation Project are available free at theconversationproject.org. No registration required.
When is the right time to have end-of-life conversations?
Now — before any crisis. The best time is when everyone is healthy and the conversation can be reflective rather than urgent. Major life transitions (retirement, a parent's diagnosis, a milestone birthday) often make natural openings.
What if my family doesn't want to talk about death?
The Conversation Project's tools are designed to make the conversation feel approachable rather than grim. Frame it as a gift: 'I want to make sure you know what I want so you're not in an impossible position.' Many families find the conversation brings relief once it starts.
Does The Conversation Project replace an advance directive?
No. The Conversation Starter Kit helps you clarify and communicate your wishes — but it is not a legal document. After having the conversation, complete a formal advance directive (living will + healthcare proxy) to ensure your wishes have legal force.
What is the pediatric version of The Conversation Project?
The Conversation Project has developed specific guidance for conversations about pediatric end-of-life care — for parents of seriously ill children, for children who need to be included in conversations about a parent's illness, and for healthcare providers. All are available at theconversationproject.org.
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