How Do You Pre-Plan Your Own Funeral? A Step-by-Step Guide

The short answer: Pre-planning your own funeral — also called funeral prearrangement — is one of the most practical gifts you can give your family. It ensures your wishes are honored, spares loved ones from making difficult decisions in grief, and can lock in current prices. The process involves documenting wishes, choosing a funeral home, and deciding whether to prepay.

Why Pre-Plan Your Funeral?

Most people avoid planning their own funeral — it feels morbid, or like "tempting fate." But funeral pre-planning is one of the most loving and practical acts you can do for your family. Consider what you're sparing them:

Making major financial decisions (average funeral costs $8,000-$14,000) while in acute grief
Guessing at your preferences when they can't ask you
Family conflict over arrangements when everyone has different ideas
Potentially settling for arrangements that don't reflect you

Step 1: Document Your Wishes

Before contacting any funeral home, document your basic wishes:

Burial vs. cremation: What do you prefer? If cremation, what should happen to the ashes?
Type of service: Religious? Secular? Simple graveside? Elaborate memorial?
Location: Where do you want to be buried or have ashes interred/scattered?
Readings, music, and participants: Any specific songs, poems, or people you want involved?
Special items: Anything you want buried with you?
Viewing preferences: Open or closed casket? Public or private?

Written wishes only help if family can find them. Make sure your executor, spouse, and/or adult children know your wishes and where documents are located. Having the conversation directly is also valuable — it gives family context and reduces confusion.

Step 3: Choose a Funeral Home (Optional)

You can pre-plan without prepaying — simply document your preferences and identify a funeral home you'd like to use. Or you can formalize with a funeral home through pre-arrangement. Compare funeral homes using the FTC's required "Funeral Rule" price list, which every funeral home must provide on request.

Step 4: Decide About Prepayment

Prepaying — paying now for future services — has both advantages and risks:

Advantages:

Lock in current prices (funeral costs increase ~3-5% annually)
May protect assets from Medicaid spend-down requirements in some states
Provides family with financial certainty

Risks:

Funeral home may go out of business
If you move, transferring pre-paid arrangements can be complicated
Not all states have strong consumer protections for pre-paid funds

Alternatives to prepayment: funeral trust accounts, payable-on-death savings accounts designated for funeral expenses, or simply leaving instructions and sufficient funds.

Step 5: Complete Formal Documentation

Formal pre-arrangement documentation with a funeral home creates a legal record. Ensure you receive copies of all signed documents, keep them with your important papers, and tell your executor where they are.

What Pre-Planning Doesn't Replace

Funeral pre-planning is separate from — and in addition to — advance healthcare directives, POLST forms, and your legal will. All of these documents together create a comprehensive end-of-life plan. A death doula can help you understand how these documents fit together and ensure your full wishes are documented and accessible.

Frequently Asked Questions

How much does funeral pre-planning cost?

The cost depends entirely on what you pre-plan and whether you prepay. Documenting wishes and sharing them with family costs nothing. Pre-arranging with a funeral home without prepaying is also typically free. Prepaying locks in current funeral costs — which average $8,000–$14,000 for a full-service funeral. Ask for itemized pricing under the FTC Funeral Rule before signing anything.

Is prepaid funeral money protected if the funeral home closes?

Consumer protection varies by state. Many states require funeral homes to place pre-paid funds in a trust account or purchase insurance. Research your state's specific laws before prepaying. Request documentation of how your funds are protected. Some funeral industry consumer advocates recommend against prepayment due to these risks, suggesting instead a dedicated savings account or funeral trust.

Can I pre-plan a funeral for someone else?

You can document another person's wishes if they've communicated them to you, but formal pre-arrangement agreements typically require the person whose funeral is being planned to sign. If you're planning for an aging parent, consider having them complete a pre-arrangement document while they have capacity and interest. A death doula can facilitate this conversation and documentation process.

What is the FTC Funeral Rule?

The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to give you itemized price information over the phone and in writing when you visit. They cannot require you to purchase a package; you can select only the services you want. They must disclose all fees and accept containers purchased elsewhere. This rule protects consumers from funeral home overcharging.

Should I tell my family about my funeral pre-plans?

Absolutely. Documentation alone doesn't help if family doesn't know it exists or where to find it. Tell your executor, spouse, and adult children: (1) that you've pre-planned, (2) your basic wishes, (3) where documents are kept, and (4) the funeral home name and contact if you've pre-arranged. This is one of the most important conversations in end-of-life planning.

Renidy connects grieving families with compassionate death doulas and AI-powered funeral planning tools. Try our free AI funeral planner or find a death doula near you.